26 nearly useless things you didn’t know about me, Aaron Ryan:

  1. I used to own a pet finch named “Beep.”
  2. I have a wonderful dog named “Macy” that I refer to as my daughter because I need therapy.
  3. As a child, I enjoyed several vigorous spit-fights and rubber-band-fights in-the-dark with siblings when parents were out of town.
  4. I am by far Taco Bell’s biggest patron. (Does it show?)
  5. I set an international and illegal record for consuming the highest amount of elementary school Sloppy Joe’s during 6th grade in a desperate attempt to attract a prospective girlfriend.
  6. I participated in several talent shows as a youth imitating Michael Jackson. My outfit came complete with shades, many-zippered jacket, and garden glove.
  7. I have been at times mistaken, in terms of vocal style, for the Cowardly Lion.
  8. I can imitate many famous voices, such as Presidents Clinton, Bush and Reagan, Sean Connery, Ringo Starr, Jimmy Stewart, as well as Australian, British, Russian, French, and New York accents, and I do voiceovers as “the other side” of my career.
  9. I still know the entire Transformers Television Cartoon theme by heart and am proudly willing to admit it.  In fact I’m prepared to serenade you with it for a small fee.
  10. I am deathly afraid of spiders.  Don’t judge me.
  11. My favorite movie is Aliens, with Sigourney Weaver. My least favorite movie is Alien 3, with Sigourney Weaver.
  12. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with frightening accuracy.
  13. I am sadly able to recite the entire Colonel Jessup speech from the movie A Few Good Men because I apparently have watched it way too many times. Stop judging me.
  14. I volunteer with World Relief to drive refugee families from the airport to host homes.  Most of them make it there safely.
  15. I proposed to my wife in highly dramatic and SUPER-romantic proposal. I will note for the record to all competing men, that I didn’t get a “Yes”; I got an “Absolutely!”
  16. I was married in 2012 at the tender age of 39.
  17. I was first in line after sleepovers outside the Alderwood Mall Apple Store to receive the new iPhone for four years in a row.  I said stop judging me.
  18. Our eldest son is extraordinarily dramatic, and we simply don’t know WHERE he gets it. *throws arms out theatrically*
  19. For several years in a row, I was #1 on the planet in the now-defunct Quizup app’s The Lord of the Rings movie trivia section.
  20. On that note, I have read The Lord of the Rings over 150 times.  I can hear you judging me.
  21. At one time, I was able to type 102 wpm!  Seriously! Now it’s closer to 13.
  22. Because I have kids, I know nearly every single Pixar movie and Pixar short by heart.  Also I know what Pixar is.  Also before I had children Pixar did not exist.
  23. I have a very quick wit and am able to keep audiences engaged by either using said wit or promising gifts of cold hard cash to all those who manage to stay awake.
  24. I grow all of my hair myself.
  25. Still uses Microsoft PhotoDraw, Microsoft Money, and Microsoft Frontpage. It’s still 1995, right?
  26. I memorized the Gospel of John as a teenager. Hey, that one’s not so useless actually!