26 nearly useless things you didn’t know about me, Aaron Ryan:
- I used to own a pet finch named “Beep.”
- I have a wonderful dog named “Macy” that I refer to as my daughter because I need therapy.
- As a child, I enjoyed several vigorous spit-fights and rubber-band-fights in-the-dark with siblings when parents were out of town.
- I am by fan Taco Bell’s biggest patron. (Does it show?)
- I set an international and illegal record for consuming the highest amount of elementary school Sloppy Joe’s during 6th grade in a desperate attempt to attract a prospective girlfriend.
- I participated in several talent shows as a youth imitating Michael Jackson. My outfit came complete with shades, many-zippered jacket, and garden glove.
- I have been at times mistaken, in terms of vocal style, for the Cowardly Lion.
- I can imitate many famous voices, such as Presidents Clinton, Bush and Reagan, Sean Connery, Ringo Start, Jimmy Stewart, as well as Australian, British, Russian, French, and New York accents, and I do voiceovers as “the other side” of my career.
- I still know the entire Transformers Television Cartoon theme by heart and am proudly willing to admit it. In fact I’m prepared to serenade you with it for a small fee.
- I am deathly afraid of spiders. Don’t judge me.
- My favorite movie is Aliens, with Sigourney Weaver. My least favorite movie is Alien 3, with Sigourney Weaver.
- I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with frightening accuracy.
- I am sadly able to recite the entire Colonel Jessup speech from the movie A Few Good Men because I apparently have watched it way too many times. Stop judging me.
- I volunteer with World Relief to drive refugee families from the airport to host homes. Most of them make it there safely.
- I proposed to my wife in highly dramatic and SUPER-romantic proposal. I will note for the record to all competing men, that I didn’t get a “Yes”; I got an “Absolutely!”
- I was married in 2012 at the tender age of 39.
- I was first in line after sleepovers outside the Alderwood Mall Apple Store to receive the new iPhone for four years in a row. I said stop judging me.
- Our eldest son is extraordinarily dramatic, and we simply don’t know WHERE he gets it. *throws arms out theatrically*
- For several years in a row, I was #1 on the planet in the now-defunct Quizup app’s The Lord of the Rings movie trivia section.
- On that note, I have read The Lord of the Rings over 150 times. I can hear you judging me.
- At one time, I was able to type 102 wpm! Seriously! Now it’s closer to 13.
- Because I have kids, I know nearly every single Pixar movie and Pixar short by heart. Also I know what Pixar is. Also before I had children Pixar did not exist.
- I have a very quick wit and am able to keep audiences engaged by either using said wit or promising gifts of cold hard cash to all those who manage to stay awake.
- I grow all of my hair myself.
- Still uses Microsoft PhotoDraw, Microsoft Money, and Microsoft Frontpage. It’s still 1995, right?
- I memorized the Gospel of John as a teenager. Hey, that one’s not so useless actually!